Free will
Marshall Rosenberg
Example
"Can you put out the carbage?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"It would mean a lot to me, if you support me."
"So I have to, or you feel miserable."
"I want you to do it, because you 'chose to' contribute. Because it fulfils several needs for you to."
Background
The idea for these cards came, when a friend wanted to explore, why her daughter says 'yes' to the things she asked her to do. My friend wanted to make sure, that her daughter sais 'yes' because she chooses to and not because for some other reason. The card is an attempt to support people, who like my friend want to talk to their children about this issue.
5 Languages
The Yes- / No-Cards are currently available in our Webshop in Dutch, English, French, German and Polski or as part of Card Set 1 on one of our Free Tools pages.
Yes / No Cards
How do you choose, if you are going to do it or not? Often 'Yes' seems tempting, but 'No' attracts your attention too. And why did you say 'yes', when your boss asked you to do something and 'no' when she/he asked you something else? Or why did your partner / child say 'no', when you asked something that to you seemed both important and simple to do? Or what happened, when on a previous occasion she / he said yes immediately? Yes and No are simple words, yet behind them there is a whole world worth exploring, if you are trying to find sustainable solutions and strategies based on free will and mutual consent.
We see Yes and No as two strategies. Like with the other Strategy Cards, the Yes and No cards can help you to:
- understand why you choose / chose yes or no
- understand why others choose / chose yes or no
- choose a strategy: yes or no
1. Understanding yourself / others: Reasons
Do you do things because you think you 'have to' or because you 'chose to'. To Marshal Rosenberg (founder of NVC) it was so important that people do things (for him) because they choose to, that he had a card in his pocket that stated the text on the right: "Please grant my request only if you can do it with a feeling of joy and only if it will make your world more wonderful.". He added: "Please do not grant my request if you have any sense of duty or obligation [...] or out of fear for punishment or hope of reward." In other words, don't do it because you feel you 'have to".
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The front side of the Yes and No cards offer you the first possibility to understand why you and others say YES to a strategy. Sometimes you say yes, because you think it will fulfil a particular needs or maybe even most of your needs. Sometimes however you do it, because you think you 'have to' or even because someone makes you believe that you should say 'no'. The reason why you and others say yes, can be connected to the results we think we will achieve. It is however also often connected to the idea, that someone say you should. And verry often that someone is you. Which reasons on the frontside is your reason to say 'yes' / ' no'? What could be the reason someone else says 'yes' to your request? |
You can use the 'choose-to'- and 'have-to'-cards to help you find your reason.
2. Understanding yourself / others: Needs
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Saying 'yes' or 'no' is like everything else you do an attempt to fulfil your needs. On the one hand you think, that the strategy you say yes to, will be the best way to take care of your needs, get results, progress and a higher quality of life. On the other hand saying 'yes' or 'no' in itself may also be fulfilling one or more of your needs. Maybe it's a way to feel that you have a choice and are indepedent and yourself. Maybe you say 'yes' or 'no' becasue peopel you feel connected to do the same. Which needs do you fulfil by saying 'yes' / ' no'? Which need could someone fulfil by saying 'yes' or 'no' to your request? |
All the words with coloured lines on this backsides are cards in the Deck of Needs with the same colour. Order these cards with the person whose choices you want to understand. It may be a good way to understand why your colleague, partner or child says 'yes' or 'no' to you.
3. Yes or No?
Sometimes it's not easy to say either 'yes' or 'no' to a certain idea, solution or strategy. Hold each of the two cards in one hand, think about the decision you want to make and 'listen with three senses' to which feelings, thoughts, wishes and needs you connect to both options. Which options 'feels' more pleasant? What would make it easier to make a decision? By listening to both 'yes' and 'no', you may be able to find a third solution or strategy, that will fulfil even more of your needs.
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Which card attracts your attention?
Create, Order, Share and Like
The Yes- / No- Cards are part of Card Set 1, that contains 2 Pause Cards, the YES/NO-Cards, 2 Self-Cards and the Choose-to and Have-to-cards. You can order this set of laminated cards in our webshop. This cards set is also availiable as one of our FREE TOOLS, if you want to create it yourself. When you like this tool, please share it. And if you like our Facebook page, we will keep you informed about new developments, new games, new applications, other languages and updates. Please contact us, if you want to translate this card in another language.