"Choose to focus on one story and one person."
Book of Needs page 26
"Enjoy going back to a previous Step when needed."
Book of Needs page 24
"Listen to yourself, listen to the other and speak about your thoughts, feelings and needs."
Book of Needs page 29
On this page we put a few videos that we find particularly insightful to explain the different phases and steps in the process.
In this video I (Hugo) listened to a real issue that was alive with of one of my
friends at the time we shoot this video. The fact that this is a real issue
allows you to see and hear the facial expressions, physical gestures, words and
tone of voice, when someone tries to listen to a real issue of a real person.
One of the good things about this video is, that it shows both moments when listening seems to work and moments when it doesn't. There was for instance one moment, that I realized, that my mind was so occupied with 'also' wanting to explain the model, that I was not able to 'be present' enough. That was the moment I went back to Step 1 and decided to focus on 'listening' only. Can you see, at which moment I did that?
In this video you can see what happens, when people are in different phases and step. The woman is in Phase 2 / Step 3, where she just wants to talk about what she experience. The man on the other hand is in Phase 3 / Step 5, where he wants to solve the issue. He is probably close to Step 6 where he will act. The solutions and strategies in his mind take him away from being present and he needed to go back to Step 1 to make the choice for 1 person (the woman) and one story (the pain) to be able to listen to the woman again.
This funny video demonstrates one of the major guidelines we derived from Step 1. When we want others to listen, it helps to listen to them first. And when we want to be able to listen, it helps to listen to ourselves first. The woman wants to speak about her issue. You can see that there are many emotions connected to her story. The man on the other hand can not listen to her feelings, thoughts and needs, before someone listens to his story first. There are two stories from two people which means that we can not do Step 1, which is to choose to listen to one story from one person.
The solution in this video is, that the woman first gets people to listen to her. After getting empathy she is able to listen to the story of the man. When you look closely you will see, that (with a little help) both of them were able to find their own key triggers, feelings and needs connected to the issue. Once the man got enough empathy for his story, he was also able to listen to the woman. The real relief seemed to come, when they were also able to find a solution (Step 5). And ... this solution (Phase 3) was probably only possible because they spend enough time in Phase 2.
In the future we hope to be able to put more videos on this page including videos with subtitles.